We started talking about humor last week and I wanted to show you how to use humor, so you won’t alienate your prospects and you’ll instead, bond with them.

Let’s go over a couple of different ways:

First, if you’re going to use humor, the best way to use it is to poke fun at yourself. Self-deprecating humor shows people you’re human and you certainly don’t think you’re above, or better than anyone.

If you see a picture of me and my bald head, and then I say something like “Lord only knows it’s been a long time since I’ve needed to use a comb,” you might laugh…

On the other hand, if I say “That guy’s as bald as a billiard ball…” it may be offensive, right?

So if you’re going to make fun of someone, make it yourself.

And second, you can poke fun at a well-known common enemy, but don’t be aggressive about it.

So let’s say you’re writing to people who want to buy imported items, you can say something like, “Listen, if the government gets their way the only thing you’re going to be able to buy from China is crispy noodles!”

That’s not offensive to anyone and it points out some obvious flaws the government has when it comes to leaving profitable businesses alone.

Just make sure you’re poking fun at the right common enemy — don’t make fun of conservatives when you’re writing to Republicans, obviously. Know your marketplace and what makes them tick… and use common sense.

Now go sell something, Craig Garber

P.S.: Discover why most people fail in real estate: http://www.kingofcopy.com/abcre

***

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A couple of interesting facts today.

Do you know what a Johnson Box is?

A Johnson Box is a box used to highlight some part of the ad or ad copy. So for instance, you’ll often see a guarantee or a testimonial in an ad, inside of a box with a solid border around it.

That box is called a Johnson Box.

But I bet you didn’t know the Johnson Box was created by, oddly enough, an Australian soprano singer named Gertrude Emily Johnson, back in 1915.

It’s true!

Ms. Johnson was trying to get an audition with a very well-known orchestra leader from Tasmania, and to get his attention, she put a guarantee on her CV (resume) and drew a box around the guarantee, using a pencil.

The guarantee said “If I’m not the best soprano you’ve ever heard, I’ll crawl across the stage on my knees at your next performance.”

Well, it worked, because she got the job and she never had to crawl on here knees anywhere. And that’s how the Johnson Box started.

Cool, huh?

And being in direct-response marketing, no doubt you know the importance of a good headline, right? But you’ll never guess what the DMA voted as the MOST effective headline of all time, back in a 1999 survey of all agency owners in America.

Think you know what it is?

Well, according to the DMA, the most effective headline ever was “Jesus wept” from an oldie but a goodie — the King James Bible, Gospel of John, chapter 11, verse 35.

This is the most powerful and moving headline ever created — and when it comes down to it — I’m sure you’ll admit, it’s hard to disagree with that statement, right?

Wild, isn’t it?

I hope you enjoyed these facts and I also hope you watched the webinar DC Fawcett, a member of my Mastermind Group, put on yesterday. Over 50% of the people who saw it, wound up opting in to DC’s list. And I don’t know whether you are familiar with opt-in rates, but that’s nothing shy of incredible!

If you haven’t seen it yet, check it out at http://www.kingofcopy.com/dc

Now go sell something, Craig Garber

P.S.: By the way, nothing in today’s e-mail, with the exception of my comments about DC Fawcett’s video, has even the slightest hint of truth to it. It’s just another silly April Fool’s prank you’re going to be subjected to today. But I hope you enjoyed them none the less.

Now go watch DC’s video – which cost him a small fortune to produce — at http://www.kingofcopy.com/dc

***
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Last week we talked about “entertaining” your list and I explained how most people try and entertain their prospects in their sales letters is totally wrong. Here’s what I said…

You don’t entertain them by being funny. And there are two reasons for this:

One, what you think is funny may be irrelevant or even in bad taste to your prospect. And two, when it comes to money, people are dead serious about opening up their wallets.

You want to be taken seriously and meaningfully. You want to have value. People aren’t usually cracking up over jokes when they’re making buying decisions, now are they?

Most of the time I see people trying to use humor and it’s all wrong. They’re cracking jokes, not creating a relationship.

Save your jokes for your friends, but be dead serious with your prospects.

Like I said, next time we’ll cover how to entertain…

So today I want to tell you how to use humor.

First off, appreciate that half (or more) of humor is in the delivery. HOW someone says something often makes it just as funny as what they say, right?

So the first thing to remember is you need to be aware of how you’re speaking.

And the “tone of your voice” is one of the biggest drivers of this. For instance, are you speaking LOUD AND DOGMATIC?

Or are you talking to someone like an old friend, or like a neighbor who’s just trying to help.

Are you being a bully and reminding them how little they know or how little they have?

Or are you being encouraging and positive and enthusiastic.

Are you talking to them in a positive, optimistic and conversational tone?

Or are you speaking like a human resources executive who just wrote a corporate memo that starts off with “Pursuant to our rule book dated 11th of January, 2006…”

So the first thing you want to keep in mind is your tone. Make it folksy and make yourself appear approachable using some of the techniques I just mentioned, and you’re well on your way to entertaining your prospect.

Next time we’ll cover some more ways of using humor and entertaining.

Now go sell something, Craig Garber

P.S.: Why some real estate investors NEVER make the kind of money, never close the deals they deserve: http://www.kingofcopy.com/abcre

***

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That’s the official name of “fear of Friday the 13th,” the same way arachnophobia means “fear of spiders.”

There are a number of different theories behind the history of how people became so superstitious about Friday the 13th.

For many people in ancient times, the number 13 was deemed to be unlucky. And as far back as the 14th Century, many folks felt Friday was an unlucky day to start on a new project or take a trip.

So when you combine the two of them, it’s like combining my ex-wife with menopause – it’s just a little too scary to think about the consequences.

And of course the term “Black Friday” is associated with the stock market crash back in the 1980′s, and other disasters as far back as the early 1800′s.

Some people also believe that Christ was crucified on a Friday as well.

Now I have no idea how they came up with this number (or even more important, why they came up with it), but the Stress Management Center and Phobia Institute in Asheville, North Carolina, estimates that between 17 and 21 million people are actually affected by paraskavedekatriaphobia (a fear of Friday the 13th).

That’s 5 to 7% of the population of the United States!

Some folks have taken advantage of all this folklore surrounding Friday the 13th. For example, one of my favorite bands of all time, Black Sabbath, released their first album in the UK on Friday, February 13, 1970.

The Opening ceremony of Athens Olympic Games took place on Friday, August 13, 2004… and four of the 11 films in the Friday the 13th series, were released on a Friday the 13th.

To me, I love Fridays. Ever since I was a little kid, I’ve always loved them. Back then there was nothing like the thrill of waking up on a Friday morning and knowing school was over for the week and you’d be able to sleep in and hang out with your friends for the following two days.

And even though I don’t necessarily sleep in much, any more… and I usually DO work on Saturdays, I still like the feeling of it just being “Friday,” and I do tend to take it a little easier on Friday, try to knock off a couple of hours earlier and kick back a bit.

I also like seeing how enthusiastic my kids are about Fridays – they feel the same way I felt when I was younger, and I’m happy for them.

Everybody should feel this way, regardless of what the date is.

Because in today’s crazy world… who can’t use another excuse… to feel good… about their day?

Now go sell something, Craig Garber

P.S. In this month’s Seductive Selling newsletter, I reveal a frank admission about “getting stuff done” and how to do more of this. Find out what it is, and get EIGHTEEN free (real) gifts… now yours, free: http://www.kingofcopy.com/ssnl

Comments? Leave them here on my blog — let me know what you’re thinking:

Today is the last day to get your hands on this month’s Seductive Selling Newsletter.

Here’s just a few of the many things you can look forward to inside this month’s issue, which is called “The Nostalgia Issue,” because all the ads and examples in it are from the late 1960′s and early 1970′s:

* 16 (yep, count ‘em) live marketing examples! Products, services, one-step selling… two step lead generation — you got ‘em all!

* Biggest copywriting mistake people make when trying to impress buyers about how “advanced” their product is. (Example 3)

* Another critical mistake commonly made in 2-step lead generation marketing (Example 5)

* When to use guarantees in your headlines!

* The best way to get people to understand and ultimately agree with your explanation of things (used in a very uncommon setting!)

* Everyone knows analogies are the life-blood of anyone trying to write good sales copy, right? Well, you’ll get an idiot-proof and fail-safe formula to create analogies so everyone understands the points you’re trying to make. You’ll never be at a loss for comparison, after this method, that’s been as reliable as a Swiss watch since I learned it 15 years ago!

* How to generate leads by “flagging” them down! (Example 10)

* In this month’s “Copywriting Secrets” column, you’ll get a breakdown of the 11 moving parts of a sales letter and a detailed breakdown of how to “close!”

* How to write a P.S. and 7 different real examples from actual copy I’ve created!

* In the Weekend Update News column: Print Advertising Down… Is this the secret to social media?… Cross-selling, upselling, and “reason to buy” champions… Twitter… The secret to growing old… self-published titles… and Cool URL’s.

* And in Tales from the Back-End, you’ll find out why we worry and how to stop it!

All this, and much much more, PLUS, my year-end holiday card… PLUS… this month’s Audio Success CD of the month, where I interview Mavericks Coaching group member Bob Maunsell. Bob shows you how he took a foothold in an industry and created an extra $70,000 plus, with just a few postcard mailings.

Test-drive Seductive Selling for 30 days, and get 16 (REAL) bonus gifts with it, free at http://www.kingofcopy.com/ssnl

Make sure you watch the video and listen to the phone calls via the blue tab at the top, right-hand side of the page at http://www.kingofcopy.com/ssnl

Have a wonderful New Year! Craig Garber

P.S. There’s also a semi-nude photo of me on the front cover of this month’s issue!

P.P.S. Just kidding about that photo.

***

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Not for anyone freezing their ass off right now.

Happy Holidays, Craig

You haven’t heard from me for a few days because frankly,
I’m taking some well-deserved time off. I’ll send out an
e-mail later on this week, and maybe one or two early next
week, but really, I’m in relaxation mode.

Here’s an interesting story about how angels came to adorn
the tops of Christmas trees. I promise you’ve never heard
this one.

Santa was off to a bad start one Christmas.

When four of his elves got sick, the trainee elves did not
produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began
feeling some pre-Christmas pressure.

Then, out of the blue, Mrs. Claus told Santa her Mother was
coming to visit, which stressed Santa out even more.

When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of
them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the
fence and were out, Heaven knows where.

Then when he began loading the sleigh, one of the
floorboards cracked, and the toy bag fell to the ground and
all the toys were scattered.

So, frustrated and all worked up, Santa went in the house
for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went
to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drank all the
cider and hidden all the liquor.

In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug,
and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over
the kitchen floor. Then, when he went to get the broom, it
turns out the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of
the broom.

But just then the doorbell rang. Frustrated and ready to
tear someone a new one, Santa marched towards the door and
yanked it open.

There stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.

The angel said very cheerfully, “Merry Christmas, Santa.
Isn’t this a lovely day? I have a beautiful Christmas tree
for you. Where would you like me to stick it?”

And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the
Christmas tree.

Have a great holiday and enjoy your family.

Now go relax, Craig Garber

P.S. I’ve got some cool new stuff coming up early next year,
so look forward to it.

***

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A lot of the consulting work I do relates to helping my clients improve their communication with their prospects, and helping improve their sales pitch.

One area that always gives people trouble, is the issue of humor and how to handle it. See, there’s a big difference between injecting personality into your marketing, and injecting humor into it.

While personality may offend some, it usually doesn’t detract from the marketing of your product. But humor, on the other hand… while it may or may not be offensive, almost always takes away from the product you’re marketing.

Selling in print isn’t easy. Literally every single word should have a purpose, or else it shouldn’t be there at all. You know the old adage your mother used to tell you, “If you don’t have something nice to say, then say nothing.” Well, when it comes to writing copy, this adage should be one of the Golden Rules you live by.

Only you want to modify it to, “If what you’re saying won’t help you make your sale, then don’t say it.”

Make sense?

And this is the real reason why you shouldn’t use humor — simply because for the most part, it just doesn’t help you. In my offline Newsletter, I regularly use humor, but I’m not selling anything there — I’m delivering information and ideas. And humor and story-telling are incredibly valuable tools to use, when you’re trying to give people information and you want them to remember it.

Remember, your product is the star… not you.

Now go sell something, Craig Garber

P.S. Why am I GIVING you TWO FREE issues of my newsletter, when it’s already read in 12 countries world-wide? Find out at: http://www.kingofcopy.com/ssnl

Check out all the King’s products at http://www.kingofcopy.com/products

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Today and tomorrow I’m going to be locked into meetings with my Mastermind Group, here in Tampa.

However, there are a few new things I have going on you may want to take advantage of, or at least know about:

For starters, if you want to be on the advanced notification list for when either of my books come out, simply click this link:

http://www.kingofcopy.com/ssbook

After you put your name on the list, you’ll also receive a provocative and compelling video you’ll love.

Second, if you want to follow me on Twitter, you can do that here:

http://twitter.com/kingofcopy

And lastly, here on my blog, on the upper left hand corner I have something called “The Daily Mugshot.” It’s quite funny actually, and you may want to set one of these up yourself.

Check it out and let me know what you think.

Give me some feedback on any of these things by simply leaving a message on my blog.

See you on Thursday.

Now go sell something, Craig Garber

P.S. Discover the “8 Reasons Why I Selected This Particular Niche Market” (that recently paid me $84,000 prior to doing any work in it.) It’s on page 3 of this month’s Seductive Selling Newsletter, which you can test-drive for free at http://www.kingofcopy.com/ssnl – Free online video, free 30-day trial plus 15 bonus gifts all yours now.

Check out all the King’s products at http://www.kingofcopy.com/products

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One of the things loads of people take advantage of when they subscribe to my offline newsletter, are the free sales copy critiques you get with your subscription.

As you’d imagine, I get to see loads of copy for many different kinds of ads in many different industries.

Sometimes people get really creative in the things they do. And other times people get really creative but in the wrong way.

See, when you write an ad, you’re not trying to be Picasso. You’re trying to be Picasso in print. And just the same way Picasso wouldn’t add a bunch of lines or shapes or shadows if they didn’t make any sense, you simply can’t start shoving things into your document, just because you can.

Here, ever see a fat woman in the mall and think to yourself, “Goodness gracious — just because they make it in a size two, doesn’t mean you need to buy it in a size two!”

Well, if you’ve ever thought something like that to yourself, then you’ll understand how similar things go through my mind when I’m going through all these ads. “Just because you have space for it, doesn’t mean you need to put it in there.”

So with that in mind, here are a few rules to pay attention to when you’re trying to be creative.

1. For starters, be very careful when it comes to humor. What you think is funny may be diametrically opposite to what your prospect thinks if funny. And besides, when it comes to spending money, your prospects are dead serious.

Want to make someone laugh? Then go take your buddy out to your local bar and buy him a drink. But sales is serious business.

I have a pretty wicked sense of humor, and I can’t remember EVER using it in any sales letter I’ve ever written. The closest I’ve gotten to using humor is being somewhat nostalgic for “the good old days” but that’s a completely different animal and you do this for completely different reasons. (To find out why and how to use nostalgia, check out the Seductive Selling System at http://www.kingofcopy.com/seductive )

2. Lying is NOT the same thing as creativity. If you want to over-promise and under-deliver and then justify your actions by calling yourself creative, don’t be surprised when everything comes crumbling down around you.

If you’re really creative, then figure out a great strategy to use based on what you have to work with — or… if there’s not enough there, then bail on the project. There are enough things to sell to enough people out there, that you don’t need to waste your time doing anything stupid.

You really can’t make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear.

3. Remember the first date you went on with someone you really liked? Know how every single word you said, every action, every move you made even, was measured, planned and well thought out? You considered the end result and the ramifications of everything you did, right?

Well, that’s what you should be doing when you’re writing copy.

In other words, don’t “be creative” just because it “seems” like the right thing to do. Like a good guitar solo, where every single note has a purpose, a good piece of copy should be the exact same way. You always want to be thinking about, “How will this impact my prospect and my sale.”

That’s why writing is easy — it’s the editing that kills you.

(To me, no one laid down a guitar solo where every single note counted, better than Pink Floyd’s David Gilmour. Those days are long gone, however.)

Look, being creative means presenting your sale in such a way that your prospects are most likely to be able to see and feel all the glorious benefits in whatever you’re offering them. This means you need to consider what you’re saying… how you’re saying it… and most important — this is the one that usually gets glossed over — WHY you’re saying it as well.

It doesn’t mean “go wild with the paintbrush” and it doesn’t mean “impress your prospects with how creative you are.” They could care less with how creative you are — save that for your mom or your wife, I’m sure they’ll give you all the attaboys you need.

But if you want to make money, focus on what your prospect wants, not how clever you are.

Now go sell something, Craig Garber

P.S. In this month’s Seductive Selling, besides the 2 free sales copy critiques, I’m going to give you an absolutely perfect example of an advertorial, written in 3-column print, just like your local newspaper. Plus you get those 15 Free Gifts — watch ‘em on the goofy video. All yours free just for saying “Maybe” and giving Seductive Selling a test-drive for 30 days, at http://www.kingofcopy.com/ssnl

Check out all the King’s products at http://www.kingofcopy.com/products

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